Article by Ng Eng Hou
You Are Real Mad With Him, Should You Have Sex With Him Later ? Relationships ? Sexuality
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You yell, you scream, you have angry exchange of words with him. You are still mad, but he has cooled down and he wants to make up by having sex. In your mind, you think, ?Fat chance! How could he behave as if nothing had happened and want to have sex now? Does this mean that we cannot have ?angry sex? or make-up sex? Actually we can and often do.
In a relatively healthy relationship where the occasional argument or even major disagreement is expected, sex life should not be put on hold just because you and your partner cannot agree with each other. Making love is not an admission that you are wrong and he is right. It is an acknowledgment and a celebration of the love you share with him even in times of discord.
For common conflicts such as disputes over household chores, child-care duties, budgeting, in-laws, etc which are no big issues, makeup sex has the power to heal emotional wounds. These ongoing issues may never be satisfactory resolved but good sex can take the edge off them.
Make-up sex is normal and healthy. It can be madly passionate and help to sustain intimacy during tough times. It is natural to feel turned on after an argument. In the heat of an argument, adrenaline and dopamine (a desire hormone) levels rise, giving you the excited feeling. The rush can be a good substitute for foreplay.
While it is not advisable to use passion as a form of escapism, agreeing to sex while still angry may actually be a way to strengthen sexual assertiveness and to encourage us to be more honest and open in our relationships. Partners can become adept at communicating what they really want sexually because the disagreement that sparked the conflict has already lowered their defenses or their sense of inhibition.
It is likely that for a lot of us, make up sex will play some part in our relationships. The sensitive nature of sex should nevertheless encourage us to stick to some principles or strategies for the overall benefit of the relationship. Here are a few to follow and consider.
(1) Never degrade sex
Sex should never be forced on either spouse. It is most important that the wishes of each partner are respected. Sex should never be used to control or manipulate a partner into doing something that he or she does not want to, especially when this difference of opinion is what started the disagreement in the first place. Sex should never be used solely as the solution to a problem. Instead the mood altering properties of lovemaking should be utilized as the gateway for open and honest communication about all those things that have gone wrong in the relationship.
Couples should honestly examine their relationship for repeat-patterns which may hint at some relationship dysfunction. If it always take a blowout to get both of you to connect, then you should seriously consider talking to a relationship counselor.
(2) No personal attacks during arguments
For many couples, an argument is verbal foreplay. They are sexually aroused by the exchange of words. The adrenaline rush that accompanies mild anger creates a response in the brain that is similar to sexual arousal. To use that rush to your advantage, avoid making personal attacks, harsh words and accusations that can worsen the situation. Do not be cruel and mean to each other. Instead, feel the erotic possibilities in the energy pulsing through your angry body.
(3) Have a cool down period
Many angry women need a chill-out period after a fight. Give yourself 15-30 minutes or even an hour alone to take a walk, bath, read or anything that restores your equilibrium. Do not promise sex when the break is over. But if the makeup sex seems like something you are doing for him, you can use this chance to make some special request such as extended foreplay or an erotic massage.
(4) Make it hot and spicy
Some women feel the need to speak their mind before they can move on to lovemaking. Keep it brief. They can use this chance to hone and sharpen their skills of seduction. Give him encouragement with your eyes as you express your feelings. You can start the ball rolling by having some kind of a makeup ritual which can be as simple as taking a shower together or exchanging should rubs.
This can also be used as an occasion to spice things up such as giving him the best blow job he ever had. You can do the things he really loves but does not get very often, like masturbating for him while he watches or playing bondage games with him. Pull out all the stops and remind him of what he could miss if he ever makes you really mad.
About the Author
Sex does have this power of healing if it is being used constructively. Therefore, couples need to learn how to maximize on this. Want some ideas to improve sex life and relationship? Click on What Is Love and Be Connected.
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Ng Eng Hou
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